Back to the Drawing Board...

How is it that some people are successful and others aren't...? 
This morning, I have found out that I didn't get the job I wanted... the job I thought was the perfect one for me. To say that I am disappointed is an understatement.


I have always thought that some people just seem to be lucky in their lives - they have no trouble finding a job, they always have enough money, they're happy. Is it that these people work harder than I do? I don't think so. Why is it that people seem 'pre-destined' to do well. And why am I not one of those people? 


At Soul Survivor 2011, we were challenged to send ourselves a text message of our 'dream', of where we want to be in a year... what we want God to do in our lives. My text message read as this:


"I want to be in a job which uses my skills and challenges me - I want to be in a job that satisfies my hunger and God's will"


Last week, when I was offered an interview, I genuinely believed that this was going to be the answer to my God dream. This job would have satisfied everything in that text as far as I was concerned. Until, in my frustration and anger, I read this text again this morning ready to be shout the odds at God, one thing stuck out to me... the final two words: GOD'S WILL. Perhaps this job was never part of His plan?


For over a year now, I've been waiting for the next step or even a hint of what it would be. I know God has provided me with work, but none of it satisfies me, or in fact challenges me. I also understand that it hasn't been a year since I started praying about my God dream, but I can't help but think that time is running out! 


I suppose for now, I either accept that I am never going to be incredibly 'successful' (whatever that means) or continue to trust that my 'God dream' is more than that... more than a dream! 


So, after a few weeks of believing that I might actually make some progress in my life and that I might be heading in the right direction, it's 'Back to the Drawing Board' for me... 

11-11-10

Yesterday was Remembrance Day... and if I'm honest, I forgot! At 11 o'clock I was waiting for a lecture, complaining about being there and having to listen for two hours. It wasn't until our lecturer proposed two minutes of silence did I remember. 


It got me pondering about the significance of the day. As a child it always seemed to be a day to remember those who have fallen for the defence of our country. It still means this today but with the very real addition of our troops currently fighting in other countries. It still astounds me how people could want to put themselves out there and fight for our country and the way we live... something they believe strongly about. I can't honestly say that I feel this strongly about anything. 


I understand how people feel about the Iraq/Afghanistan wars, but at the same time, I was disgraced when I read about the way in which a few chose to present their anger... the burning of our national symbol of respect - the poppy- during the 2 minutes that the country stops to remember. The ironic fact about this act was that the freedom this group had to carry out their act of protest was provided by those who had fallen for our country. The freedom for which thousands have and are fighting for allowed them to freely disrespect. 


I find it hard to remember what is happening everyday in these countries while we carry out our day to day lives worrying about the small things. The least we can do is stop to remember them and thank them for keeping our borders safe and protecting, at all costs, our way of life.


They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them. - Laurence Binyon

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain

I LOVE THIS PHRASE! 

I'm not sure that I have entirely lived it out. I always seem to be waiting for the next 'storm' to hit, the next disaster to strike or the next chaotic and stressful day to come around the corner. It's in my personality to freak out about the little things. I always have and it's probably in my genes - I have to learn to live with this and that for me is going to be the challenge of a life time! Since Christmas I have struggled with panic attacks because of this. I worry about everything but am DAMN GOOD at putting on a brave face... I always have! Looking back on it, I've worked out that the panic attacks were God's way of telling me to slow down, stop doing everything for everybody else and concentrate on yourself for a little while. And in doing this, I'm well on my way to working out who I am and where I want to go in life. 

Things are looking up!

I know that I want a decent degree and am on my way to it... I've realised that this year I am going to have to work HARD for it! I know that I want a good job but not one that takes over my life. I want to help people. Since I was 12 I've volunteered for other people... I miss this like hell! I want to get into that. 

I've started to accept the way I am, the situation I'm in and man alive am I dancing in the rain. I prefer dancing in the rain... people join you! They may think you're insane but at the same time they love it! I'm a little insane but by slapping on a smile and laughing, the storm passes before I even know it! 

I've stopped asking for God to get me out of the storm... I have to be in it and I am for a reason. You can never tell what that is until you're out of it... that's just the way things are! So I'm asking him to help me dance in the rain and by doing that I'll get out of the storm without even realising!

Image belongs to: http://www.rightasrain.org  (No copyright infringement intended)

"Come, follow me"

Mark 1:17 'Jesus said "Come, follow me" and immediately they did."


WHAT ON EARTH was going on here?! How could a humble man have this much power over someone? Well, 12 people! How did a man walk to the edge of a lake, tell two people two put their nets down and follow him and these two did it... they gave their entire lives to him after 3 words. 


Perhaps we just over complicate things. We have this book, 66 in 1, the bible, that tells us how to live, the amazing, incredible and beautiful things that will happen to us when we follow Jesus. But then, in reality, is it ever this fantastic? 


Having the faith to believe that the things that will happen when we die and when Jesus returns will be awesome, means that we need to lay our lives down at the cross, give him our burdens and follow him. This isn't all roses but it will be in the end. What we 'miss out' on in life we will most certainly be rewarded in heaven. 


But we don't miss out down here. I have the most incredible set of friends and support that anyone could ever have. They're there for the laughs, with me through all the crap, take on my burdens when I pour my heart out to them yet they still want to know me... WHY?! JESUS! That's why. He's put them in my life as a support and he uses me in the same way for others. We are all disciples of Christ and he will jealously protect us no matter what. 


It's never going to be easy to follow him but damn will it be worth it in the end. The original 12 probably didn't know what they were in for but they just said YES! I think we need to forget our own lives and our own dreams and take on God's... they are so much better than ours ever will or can be. We need to say yes. 


He invites us all the time... our answer should always be yes and his welcome will be awesome. He will help you deal with the crap and give you the same kind of power Jesus had. People may not respond to our 3 words, but showing them that we love Jesus and therefore will love people whatever they do will bring people to him. They will see Jesus in us and follow him.


Jesus... I say yes! 

The start

This is my first blog and, if I'm honest, I'm not really sure what I'm writing it for. I know for sure that it's not because I want people to read everything that I think or that I feel my ideas need to be acknowledged by everyone! I think I need to use it as a way to vent... as a way to discuss things with myself and set things straight in my own head. Why do it online? Maybe someone will read it and maybe they'll get something out of it!

I think I should start with a little bit about myself. I'm 20 years old, live in a small town but go to uni in a big city! I'm in my third year studying Geography. I like to fill my spare time with FUN! I love fun... who doesn't? For me, enthusiasm is everything... If you can do even the simplest and most horrible of tasks with a bit of enthusiasm it benefits everything. I have a generally positive outlook on life, but in the past year have struggled a lot with who I am and the purpose I have in this MASSIVE world. I am a Christian and I struggle with that. I used to think I was alone in my struggles, but lets face it... I was probably being dramatic! 

Everyone has their issues. I can never get my head around forgiveness. How can this huge and almighty God love me and care about what I do and how I live my life? How can He still love me when I throw everything I've got at Him and turn my back on Him? I've failed so many times and I hate it... surely He can't forgive me if I can't  forgive myself?! But that's who He is. That's the basis of my faith and my life. I try to do everything I can to serve Him and be an example of what it's like to live in Him. But yeah, I screw up big time and ALL the time! I will probably make reference to them a lot but Casting Crowns are hugely relevant to my life and probably to many others. The song, 'Who am I?', sums up what I've been trying to say (Link at the bottom). These are two of my favourite lines:

Who am I? that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again.

Just to ponder on that for a while sends my mind out of control! It's insane that He loves me so much that He does know my name and feels everything that I feel. I often have to remind myself that God has had all of these emotions and lived them out 2000 years ago.

I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING, I AM DEEPLY LOVED!

Casting Crowns - Who am I?