This is my first blog and, if I'm honest, I'm not really sure what I'm writing it for. I know for sure that it's not because I want people to read everything that I think or that I feel my ideas need to be acknowledged by everyone! I think I need to use it as a way to vent... as a way to discuss things with myself and set things straight in my own head. Why do it online? Maybe someone will read it and maybe they'll get something out of it!
I think I should start with a little bit about myself. I'm 20 years old, live in a small town but go to uni in a big city! I'm in my third year studying Geography. I like to fill my spare time with FUN! I love fun... who doesn't? For me, enthusiasm is everything... If you can do even the simplest and most horrible of tasks with a bit of enthusiasm it benefits everything. I have a generally positive outlook on life, but in the past year have struggled a lot with who I am and the purpose I have in this MASSIVE world. I am a Christian and I struggle with that. I used to think I was alone in my struggles, but lets face it... I was probably being dramatic!
Everyone has their issues. I can never get my head around forgiveness. How can this huge and almighty God love me and care about what I do and how I live my life? How can He still love me when I throw everything I've got at Him and turn my back on Him? I've failed so many times and I hate it... surely He can't forgive me if I can't forgive myself?! But that's who He is. That's the basis of my faith and my life. I try to do everything I can to serve Him and be an example of what it's like to live in Him. But yeah, I screw up big time and ALL the time! I will probably make reference to them a lot but Casting Crowns are hugely relevant to my life and probably to many others. The song, 'Who am I?', sums up what I've been trying to say (Link at the bottom). These are two of my favourite lines:
Who am I? that the Lord of all the earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again.
Just to ponder on that for a while sends my mind out of control! It's insane that He loves me so much that He does know my name and feels everything that I feel. I often have to remind myself that God has had all of these emotions and lived them out 2000 years ago.
I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING, I AM DEEPLY LOVED!
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